Longing for a walk

Drove into town with my husband again today. The sky is a bright blue and the temperature hovers at around 13 degrees. Just right for a snowshoe or a skiing expedition.

Sigh.

I just want to take a walk. My poor dog has been faithfully laying on my bed with me, but I know she'd rather go for a walk too. I am tired of knitting and thinking and I am tired of being tired.

Story of my life.

I'm starting to arrive at my "regular flare-up" level of sickness. I have these levels of illness worked out in my head ranging from how I was this last Jan which is "not sick at all" to "can't get out of bed" which is how I was last week. I have to keep reminding myself, that unlike the Lyme, which doesn't much seem to care what I do, that this pneumonia can relapse and it will be bad if it does.

I had this experience a couple of years ago actually. After I went on the thyroid medication which helped so much, I really had to re-learn about acute illness. I had plain old influenza and I went on an accident call on a cold winter night. The next day I discovered what happens if you have the flu and you don't rest. You get worse. Big revelation there.

This is actually one of the biggest problems with so many chronic illnesses. You want to find a pattern. You want to find what makes you worse and what makes you better. Its a way of getting control. Trouble is, it's often pretty random. Frustrating to both oneself and the peopple close to one.