I always feel vaguely ashamed of being unable to do things. Rigth now, my life's on hold and it appears that it will be for a bit. I don't really want to talk about it(so instead I'm putting it on my blog where the whole damn world can see!).
Instead of being able to just take my dog and go for a four mile walk, I'm finding I need to use my ski pole for balance when I go out and feed my animals. And then I need to sit down and catch my breath. My kids haul in the wood. I keep telling hubby he should send me off to a home for the useless. People are worried about me and that makes me uncomfortable. So much of my identity is bound up with being competent and together.
More than the pnuemonia, the treatment I'm currently on is causing a flare-up in my sympotms. My breathing feels normal at last, but I'm tired and achy and generally feeling cruddy. This is apparently to be expected as the death of many Lyme spirochtes causes a build up of toxins and results in an inflammatory reaction.
So I'm just taking it one step at a time, as it were.
Bah
Silent Cliff
An image from my first foray onto the Long Trail summer '06
5 comments:
You are not useless! Someone has to remind Bryan to sleep and wrangle the kids.
Agreed with Steve: you are not useless. You do plenty. Now is the time to give the protocol space to work.
And how the heck does Steve make "wrangle" seem ominous?
i understand that feeling, my sweet friend. hang in there. i don't exactly know why...but i'm hangin too. i think about you all the time. sending love and texas sunshine, mama. i know it's a paltry offering but it's true that you've impacted my life in such lovely ways.
your eternal soulmate
christina
Third time is the charm, I hope. Make the best of this time with inner work. I know it sounds like a bunch of bull, but it's what the time of the body's weakness is best used for: the realization that one is loved not for what one does or does not do, but for the fact that one Is. YourFriendTheNurse
Thanks all for the kind words.
Post a Comment