I really hate going out at the moment. Its not so much that I'm afraid to go out as it is I lack the energy that's needed to deal with people. The dreaded "How are you?" that people proffer as a greeting. Someone asked me that the other day. "Tired and miserable" jumped out of my mouth before my sluggish internal censor realized what was happening. What does one say to that? The other person looked understandably uncomfortable. On the other hand, does it hurt that an acquaintance knows how I'm really doing?
I'd like to just stay home, but I can't.
I'm having a very hard time making entries on this blog...I type and erase and type and erase. I would assume if one is reading this, they really are interested in how I am, but how much is TMI? I even have a hard time telling my husband how lousy I'm feeling. Partly, I don't want to turn into someone who whines about every little symptom. I know some of those people and its not attractive.
Last year, when I went dog sledding, we were told "If you give help, you're contributing. If you ask for help, you're also contributing". This was one of the rules for being a working community with healthy interdependence between members. Giving and receiving help was presented in a paradigm of equality with the helped on an equal footing with the helper. A very different mode of thinking than the one I was raised in. I need to keep remembering this
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3 comments:
So I guess the question is, how can we non-Vermonters help you?
I was talking with Mom at lunch about your struggles with the protocol and she asked me for more information - she knows someone with Lyme decision. So you're already helping at least one other person.
Its called the Marshall Protocol and it can be found at http://www.marshallprotocol.com
Thus far, its the only thing that appears to have done anything other than give me drug side effects, so I think that's a good thing.
I think it's a model none of us were exposed to growing up- at least not in my social circle or, dare I say it, generation.
As for how much is TMI? It's your blog. If this is the place where spewing out all the bad makes it better in the rest of your life, than let her rip. It's one thing to let it out and move on. It's another to let it out and then rehash, revisit, revise and reiterate. I've never known that to be your intention. There are some people who live for their disease. I've never, ever received that impression from you in the time we've been acquainted. And so you made someone uncomfortable. Big whoop. Maybe they'll think next time before they ask a question not wanting an honest answer.
Or maybe they'll think about how they might be able to help. Perhaps your changing consciousness,one uncensored remark at a time.
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